Never Split the Difference - Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It


Author: Chris Voss
Rating: 3/5

The book is a condensed vademecum about negotiation, distilled by none other than Chris Voss, acclaimed author and top FBI-guy negotiator for more than 25 years.

Before reading it, I didn’t know if all the buzz about the book was actually due because it is a breathtaking deep dive in the world of negotiations or because Chris’ company, “The Black Swan Group” has an amazing marketing department.
Now, I know it is a little bit of both.

The book is profoundly insightful, especially when it directs the reader into accepting that conflict is a necessary part of everyday life, or when it spells loud and clear that a fundamental part of negotiations is to “Know thy enemy”.
On the other hand, sometimes, it sounds like a giant plug for the consulting services offered by the author, even more justified by the great relevance that negotiation has in the business world.

In the end I liked it, but it wasn’t a flowing read as I had hoped it to be.
After a certain point, I wasn’t hungry anymore for the next chapter’s tricks and examples.

Nine ideas for Negotiation

1. Negotiation is about listening

The author calls it tactical empty, but it’s pretty much a deep exercise of profound listening.
It’s about showing acceptance and trying to build a rapport with the counterpart as an act of sincere empathy.

In a typical negotiation, most people are so preoccupied with the arguments they have prepared beforehand that they do not actually listen to what the other is saying.

2. Negotiation is about information gathering

As in all confrontations, in order to gain an edge in negotiations, information is key. All forms of listening are game with the objective of collecting as much data as possibile.

A great focus should be placed on the kind of information that is hidden between the lines (tone, posture, behavior).

3. Negotiation is about labeling, performing accusation audits and mirroring

Labeling

Labeling is a way to validate someone’s emotions by verbally acknowledging them; it’s about materializing someone’s feelings into words and very smoothly repeating them as a way to show that we understand and respect their emotions.
Such activity just begins with words like:

Accusation Audit

Another useful technique is the accusation audit, which consists in listing every possible argument that the counterpart could say.
Saying it out loud during the negotiation allows you to “call out” the negative dynamics before they occur.

Mirroring

Finally, mirroring is reiterating and improvising upon important keywords that the counterpart has let on. To mirror, is just important to repeat the last three words of what someone has just said.

4. Negotiation is about getting to “No”

Counter intuitively “No” is just the start of a negotiation, not the end of it.
A negative answer provides a great opportunity for both parts to clarify what each really wants, by eliminating the things that each doesn’t want.
Beware though, more often than not, “No” is a temporary measure, used to maintain the status quo and avoid change.

5. Negotiation is about agreeing on a starting point

This foundation can be reached when the counterpart believes it has been heard, and that you truly understands their position and feelings.

Creating unconditional positive regard (aka “the connection”) opens the door to changing thoughts and behaviors in the counterpart.
Humans have an innate urge toward socially constructive behavior and the more a person feels understood, and positively affirmed in that understanding, the more likely that urge for constructive behavior will take hold.

The way to obtain this “understanding” is by summarizing from this starting point. A good summary restates the content of what has been said along with an acknowledgment of the emotions behind it.

6. Negotiation is about avoiding emotional traps

7. Negotiation is about asking the “right” questions

That is, calibrated questions or “open ended questions”.
Negotiation should never be a showdown, an arm wrestling match with your opponent to admit you are right. When people feel attacked they lash out and create tension in the relationship’s dynamics. Instead, it would be better to get your counterpart to do the work and come up with the solution by giving them the illusion of control while creating a momentum in your desired direction.
Simple questions are too quick to answer and create a debt of reciprocity, whereas you should focus your questions to force the other guy to pause and actually think about how to solve the problem and to volunteer a solution.

Avoid “can”, “is”, “are”, “do” type of questions as they can be answered in just a yes or no statement.
Instead, is best to start with “what” and “how”, using them often and very early on in the negotiation, creating rapport and therefore goodwill.
They allow your issues to be unconsciously internalized by the counterpart, that will when try and solve your problems.

8. Negotiation is about being reasonably prepared for negotiation

And the author never stresses this enough:

When the pressure is on, you don’t rise to the occasion; you fall to your highest level of preparation

9. Negotiation is about understating “Black Swans”

A Black Swan is what you don’t know yet and don’t believe to be possibile. It’s information that, when known, completely alters the negotiation and re-frames your expectations and your understanding of its dynamics.

Each side of a negotiations usually has a number of Black Swans that, when uncovered, can be used to multiply your leverage and persuade your counterpart that they have something to lose if there is no deal.

In order to discover a Black Swan, listening is key as it’s important to understand your counterpart, speak their language, understand their religion/beliefs, and their hopes and dreams.

The Ackerman Model

When it comes to haggle a monetary amount, there is a method that can be followed religiously and that consistently delivers results:

Book Details